Ann was a late bloomer. Being birthed by two short parents, who were. both barely over five feet tall, being five foot two and five foot three, both being the shortest in their own families of average to tall.. That shot Ann’s possibility of being anything but vertically challenged herself.  She and her sister were just short of being five feet tall, but amazingly, by the time Ann was fifteen, she was pleasantly endowed in the right areas, no longer pleasantly plump, instead nicely proportioned, with muscular legs well toned from bicycling and roller skating. She had thick, dark hair, which she kept about shoulder length, while Elaine, once being so blond it was almost white, now had darkened into a dirty blond. Their mother had been a talented seamstress, and kept them in matching dresses, hats and gloves, giving them the  appearance of darling little sisters, who must surely be little angels.

Ann never really was jealous of Elaine’s blond hair, for her own dark hair made them a striking pair as children, and they were the center of attention, whenever their mother took them out and about in their latest outfits, that could have rivaled anything Shirley Temple sported. Now at fifteen and sixteen, they were as different as night and day, but no longer fought like cats and dogs as they often did, when left alone in the afternoons after school.

Fighting Resolved between the Sisters

That problem had been resolved, when one day after school, Elaine put on one of her finest temper tantrums, grabbing a wire clothes hanger from the closet, stretching it apart, as far as it would go, holding it between her hands and feet, while screaming at the top of her lungs. Ann was really fed up with these tantrums, and angry that’s why none of her clothes would remain on the hangers, no matter how she tried to bend them back in place. So Ann grabbed the hanger from her before Elaine could ruin another of her few remaining, intact hangers, and in retaliation, Elaine began punching and slapping Ann. Enough was enough, of this behavior she endured at least several times a week, so she grabbed Elaine in a vice grip around her head, and wacked her head up against the wall. Just one wack, not hard enough to leave a mark on the wall, or Elaine’s head, though not premeditated.

Oh, God, now she knew she had done it, for she was never to hit her sister back, her being the elder and more mature, and she was sure she would be in big trouble when their parents came home. She was sure the neighbors could hear Elaine screaming, and probably thought Ann was killing her younger sister. But a funny thing happened, as she released her hold on her sister’s head. Elaine staggered back, with such a look of awe and utter respect at Ann, and from that moment on, they never fought again. In fact, she was amazed that later that week, her mother gave up her den and sewing room, and moved Elaine’s bed out of their shared bedroom, and into a separate room from Ann.

Gone was the clutter Elaine left in her side of the room, no more Ann’s neat side next to Elaine’s uncleaned, cluttered side. Ann had always organized her dresser drawers and made her bed, preferring her things to be neat and orderly. Now at last, she could spread out, her parents gifting her with their full sized bed, and  dresser with a sit down vanity chair. Ann couldn’t believe her good fortune. She no longer had to hide in the closet when she wanted peace and quiet in her own room. No more being disturbed while doing her homework, or reading her favorite young adult novels.

Sadly, Ann had no idea, that her sister probably had mental problems, and in today’s world would be diagnosed with Attention Deficit Syndrome, with hyperactivity. Ever since one episode, in the old house in Riverside, where Elaine had begun seeing bugs everywhere, not just the cockroaches and brown spiders that lurked everywhere in the old house, but ants on the kitchen table, bugs in the refrigerator, in the food, on their clothes in the closet. Amazingly, her parents deemed these episodes worthy of taking her to a psychotherapist, who gave her some pills, and eventually Elaine claimed she no longer saw them. Secretly, Ann believed she just made it all up, for pity, because she was failing in school, and had even been disciplined for poor behavior at school. All she knew was, it worked, and no longer was Elaine forced into doing any kind of work, whether it be house chores, or school work, for she was deemed “nervous.” by the psychologist.

Now Ann was sixteen, finally allowed to date, although so far, none of the boys at school had asked her out. At this point, it didn’t bother her, for she wasn’t interested in the boys her age at school. Her memories of boys at school were not her favorite memories, except for a few select boys, but none of them asked her up to that point.

The Blond Bully, First Missed Kiss, Other Possibilities

There had been one boy, when she was about twelve or just turning thirteen, who followed her and Susan, and a new girl, Nina, who played together in a big ditch in back of Susan’s house. One day they decided they wanted to play school, after this irksome boy kept pestering them, so they retired to Ann’s house, and set up a play school house. Soon though, the other girls became bored with that, when Ann started giving them real school work. Wondering around to the front of the house, the boy showed up in the driveway, and started throwing rocks at the girls. This infuriated Ann, and rather than running away, she picked up a rather nice stone, and hefted it back at the boy. To her surprise, it hit him right between the eyes! Not hard enough to knock him out, but he got a funny look on his face, as if was seeing stars and little birdies circling his head. Then he ran away, never to be seen again.

Ann often wondered afterward, if this was the same boy who invited her to a birthday party at his house, when she was about fifteen. Ann didn’t recognize his name on the invitation, but thought it would be a good idea to check it out. She was curious as to who this boy was, and wasn’t opposed to making new friends. However, when she arrived at the house, she discovered it was a pool party, and most of the kids were happily playing in the water. Ann hoped no one would throw her in the pool, although she was wearing a shorts outfit, but no one paid her any attention, as she took off her shoes and dangled her feet in the water. After a while, she considered getting on her bike and going home, for no one had even welcomed her there or spoken to her. To her surprise, when she looked up, she realized all the kids had disappeared from the pool and were nowhere to be seen, when a tall blond haired boy sat down beside her, and without saying anything, leaned forward as if to kiss her.

Several things went through her mind, none of which was to kiss him back. Maybe if he had at least introduced himself, but he was far “too tall” for her, and abruptly, she arose grabbed her shoes and jumped on her bicycle, pedaling away as fast as she could, over the hill, coasting down, while realizing she had missed her chance at her first kiss. Damn it, she at least wanted to know the name of the boy who wanted to kiss her. She was fifteen, but wouldn’t have been allowed to date, even if he had asked her.

She wondered about him, for he did look familiar, but not from one of her classes, but from a memory of a blond, curly headed boy, whom she had seen riding past their house as far back as the old Riverside house, although quite a younger version. And there was another curly, blond-haired boy who had found the same pond where she and Susan had played, who had tried to bully them away from. She had shouted at him, that her father was a lawyer, who would sue him for chasing them away.  He looked surprised, for everyone knew Ann’s father was a truck driver, and the big red truck with Corby’s and other whiskey advertising was proof of it.

And one other boy, when she was in the fifth grade, who was placed in the same group as she to work on a paper together. He had been quite insulting to her, when Ann took charge of the group, and had assigned each of them to write a paragraph, and bring it back to her the next day. He had obviously been quite impressed when she gathered all their paragraphs together, and actually typed them out that night, on an old Royal typewriter her Aunt Evelyn had given her. Then there was the bully that had plagued her and her friends, whom she had hit between his eyes with one of his own stones? Could these all be the same boy? Teddy had been the boy from the fifth grade. But she quickly forgot all about him, when he no longer appeared in her life.

Sixteen at Last, But Who to Date? Jimmy, Johnny or Gene?

Time passed. She turned sixteen, and could officially date but no one at school asked her out, although she had attended a dance once on her own. She longed to meet someone, and found herself begging Mama to let her use the family car on Friday nights, so she and her friends would go to the Roller Rink, out on Old Hendricks Rd, just before the Main Street Bridge. Daddy had bought her her own semi-professional roller skates, and even loosened the front wheels just enough to allow her to ease right or left, with just the lean of her body. Mama even made her a skating skirt of bright red and white stripes, so she felt quite attractive, if only she wasn’t bothered with those pesky pimples. She probably had acme, but didn’t want to admit that was probably why no one asked her out.

However, this one particular night, she was feeling good, playful, and tired of being a wallflower, and no recent break-outs, to her delights.. Then she saw him, and was instantly sure she had found her one true love. His name was Gene Watson, she was to find out, after skating up beside him. She had never flirted with a boy, but she was determined to get his attention, one way or the other. Ann put on her best smile, and asked him if he came there often, in a fake French accent. He answered, looking a little hesitant, “No, but maybe I should.” Then skated out into the rink.

 Ann frowned, but still determined not to give up, she followed him, and quickly caught up, skating past him, to show him her skill on skates. He wasn’t bad himself, and after a few turns around the rink, he headed for the side rails again. Ann persisted with her fake French accent, which sounded cute to her sixteen year old ears.  She was a little put off he didn’t ask her to couple skate, when the organ music turned to a slow romantic tune, but she persisted in trying to get his interest, and finally he offered to buy her a coke.

She then learned he was nineteen, and stationed at Mayport, on the aircraft carrier Roosevelt. It never occurred to her that he may have thought he was too old for her, but eventually he asked her for her phone number, and they skated the last Sweetheart’s song together, and said Goodnight.

First True Love

Ann didn’t know anything about him, but when he called the next weekend, he asked her out for her first date. The long awaited first date was the most magical of experiences Ann had ever known. He took her go the Boardwalk at Jacksonville Beach, they had dog’s-on-a-stick and drank Coca cola, holding hands as they walked along. At one point, he and she posed for pictures together, of which he gave her half the prints. But best of all, she got her first kiss, which was well worth the wait. Never before had she felt the stirrings these passionate kisses stirred in her. She finally knew what French kisses meant, as they explored each other, lips, mouth and soul. Her heart she gladly gave to him, and they spent time together that summer, when he visited her at her family’s home. Then sadly, he left for a six month cruise, with no promises of if or when he would return.

Ann was heart-broken, and could think of nothing but the feelings he stirred in her when they kissed. She wrote her first poem about the strange boy from Ohio, who had stolen her heart, and confided in her a strange event he told her happened while growing up in Ohio. She wondered at what had happened, to cause such a strange, almost paranormal memory.

Jimmy, Football and Nancy

It was during the time that Gene was out at sea, that she met Danny the Limbo Stick dancer, a romance that was off and on over the coming year, and Ann met another Navy man, Jimmy. He was okay to fill in the time with, and he was a football fan. Ann knew nothing about the game, although he taught her enough that she could follow along when he took her to a couple of games at her high school. She really thought the game was barbaric, knowing that sometimes the boys really did get hurt.  She did enjoy the festivities during the halftime, but not enough to thoroughly love the game as he did.

Eventually, she introduced Jimmy to a friend at school, Nancy, who loved football. They hit it right off, but Nancy had a step-father who was really controlling, and tried to prevent them from seeing each other, after he had Jimmy “investigated” and found out he was from a lower middle-class family in Tennessee. Ann figured the real reason he interfered was that he wanted to keep Nancy for himself. Nancy admitted to  Ann that he had used her for his own sexual purposes for years, while Nancy’s mother either didn’t really know, or didn’t care. Nancy and Jimmy planned on running away together, but Ann lost track of her friend after that school year. However, she often wondered if they had ever managed to be together.

Johnny the Woman Killer

Another boyfriend that came around was named Johnny, tall, dark and handsome, as the saying goes. Yes, he was a sailor also, older, and never indicated he was interested in Ann, beyond than making out in his old car. Ann knew these boys were not whom she was looking for, but she went through such periods of loneliness, longing for what, she had no idea, that when one of them showed up at her door, she went with out him. Johnny and his friend took her and Susan on a few wild adventures, making out in his friends Volvo, and some sometimes borrowing another friend’s car, but seldom. If there was ever someone Ann wished she could delete from her list of young men, it would be Johnny, and Danny too. Secretly, Ann believed she was wild and hot-blooded, like her her Aunt Millie, who ended up with five children, but who amazingly, stayed married to her husband until he died of a heart attack in his fifties. Sadly, she lost a son, my cousin Roland, due to leukemia taking his life before he was thirty.

Ann knew that Johnny was not the one for her, but he persistently showed up, and though he took her on no “real” dates, she was lonely, and perhaps if he had treated her with more respect, she might have ended up with him. That she had all these boyfriends during the summers and week-ends, she was not proud of flitting from one to another, and wanted nothing more but Gene to return. At least he had taken her on some real dates, including dinner at what was a nice restaurant, the Derby House, after her graduation. Unfortunately, the car he had borrowed blew its radiator on their way home from the restaurant, ruining their plans for the rest of the evening. Shortly, after that, Gene left for a six month cruise in the Mediterranean, and Ann met Tony.

Afterwards she met her to-be-husband, an attractive young man of Italian lineage, at the EM (Enlisted Men’s) Club at Mayport. By this time, she had graduated from High School, to find out her parent’s had made no plans to help her through college. What she didn’t know, was a series of events that led up to them having to sell their house in Arlington, and start over in an older house in Southside. But that a year or so after she and Anthony were married. However, she could not understand why they had not saved a penny towards her education, but her mother explained they were not “rich,” like Uncle Frankie, who had sent both my cousins to Universities in Florida, even though they were just average students. What she told Ann was that, anyway, it would be a waste of money to send a girl to college, for she would just get married , and then have babies. No wonder they never stopped her from seeing these older Navy men.

After her graduation, Ann’s mother, more or less, expected her to just get a job and get out, unless she found someone to marry. To their credit, they did let her remain at home for a year, after working for the IRS for a year, for which her father refused to take any money, though she offered to pay them rent. They just said, save your money, then bought her a hope chest, and said, “Fill it with things you’ll need.” And indeed, Ann spent her money buying pots and pans, silverware, and other odds and ends needed to start a new home.

Ann never forgot Gene Watson, and she knew Tony was not the right man,  but even when Gene and Johnny  both showed up just a month before the fated wedding, she gave Johnny the cold shoulder when he said “I know you can’t love this man.” And to Gene she said, ” I would have waited for you forever, if only you had asked me to wait for you.”  What she wanted, was for him to take her in his arms, and say, “I love you, please don’t marry this other man.” But he didn’t , he just walked over to his motorcycle, upon which he had just asked her to go for a ride, and rode away. So it seemed to her, she had no alternative but to go through with the marriage. Though if she had known how to get in touch with Gene, she might have broken the engagement, and gone seeking her true love.

None of this may seem magical to my readers, but looking back on my life, it appears that all my disappointments, both in finding my real true love, and of not attending college, just kept piling up, forcing me to think, and to wonder why I seemed to be denied my heart’s desires, and that is what triggered this deep urge to understand why my life turned out this way. My brief introduction into Christianity did not offer me answers, so I stored them aside, waiting for the moments when some mysterious force would take over my life, and guide me to some serious revelations that would help me solve this great mystery.